I used to be good at poker.

I remember a time not too long ago when I used to be good at poker. It was a time of sweet honeysuckle fragrances and beautiful meadows full of prancing antelopes. I would watch those antelopes frolicking in the soft breeze and then take them down one by one. BOOM! Freaking idiots. We live in a new world now. A world were I shoot myself in the foot more often that I hit a little Bambi. A world that reeks of rancid butter and broccoli that has been left in the sun too long. More and more I find myself prancing through the summer heat, frolicking in the hot august wind until...BOOM! I am down on the ground trying to figure out how that fucking donkey can hold a shotgun between it's hoofs. I try to get back up and...KABLAM. A puffer fish is standing above me with a blowgun. A bright green dart tipped in purple is sticking out of my neck. I am getting very sleepy. Very sleepy. Next time... Flatline.

I used to be good at poker.

Deputy Dawg says, "I'm a gigantic tool"

What do you do when you sit down at a low limit table, immediately start talking trash and insulting other players, while quickly losing 2 1/2 standard buy-ins with your terrible play? Why, turn around and whip out your "big package", of course! That'll restore your ego.

20,824 to 1 shot

Appearing in the chat box before my Pokerstars SNG started tonight

murph3000: Hello everyone. I wish I could say it has been a pleasure playing.
murph3000: Unfortunately
murph3000: I hate this game
murph3000: and THIS should be my last tourny
murph3000: Good luck!

POSTSCRIPT: I bust murph3000 right smack on the bubble.

brennx77: gg
murph3000 [observer]: No it wasn'
murph3000 [observer]: wasn't at all
brennx77: ok
brennx77: srry then
murph3000 [observer]: that wasn't even fun.

This book did not help me become BIBY champion

Excerpt, from Amazon:

Player 1: Jc 10c
Player 2: Js 10s
Player 3: Ks Qc
Flop: 7s 8c 9s Turn: 10d River Jd

"In this example, Player 1 flopped the Straight, Player 2 made it a haigher Straight on the Turn, and Player 3 made it the Nut Straight on the River; and still, the possibility of Broadway is out there."

Haha. Love the creative mind that came up with Rock Banker for the author's name. And what a sweet poker table. Too bad they screwed up the title.